Why Tifa never hung out with Cloud when he was a kid, and why Cloud is clinically insane.
(Two birds with one stone)

A 6- year old Cloud Strife is hacking away at his mother’s kneecaps with a stick.
Cloud’s Mom: Pumkin? Where’d you get that stick?
Cloud: From outside, Mommy.
Cloud’s Mom: Well, go put it back, we don’t need any dirty sticks in this house.
Just then, a little Tifa walks in.
Cloud’s Mom: (under her breath) Speak of the devil...
Cloud runs behind his mother’s legs.
Tifa: Hi, Cloud!
Cloud peeks his little spiky head out, but then quickly pulls it back behind the safety of his Mom’s legs again.
Tifa: I said HI, Cloud!!
He makes sure to stay behind his Mom’s legs.
Cloud: ............hi..............
Cloud’s Mom: Why don’t you go outside and play with Tifa, Cloud?
Cloud: But Mom, Tifa---
Cloud’s Mom: (interrupting) No buts about it, Mr. Cloud: Aww........Mom.....
Cloud’s Mom: Go.
Cloud and Tifa walk outside together.
Cloud’s Mom: And don’t go near Mt. Nibel!!
As soon as they get outside...
Cloud: Wanna go see Mt. Nibel?
Tifa: Sure! But.....My mommy said it was dangerous.....
Cloud: Bawk! Bawk bugawk!!! Chicken!!
He starts clawing at the ground with his feet, using his arms as pretend wings at his side.
Tifa: All right! All right! I’ll go already, but let me get my friends first.
She snaps her fingers, (or attempts too, at least) and 3 little boys come rushing out of their houses. The first little boy points at Cloud.
Little boy 1: Tifa, that’s Cloud.
Tifa: I know.
Little boy 3: Why you playing with Cloud, Teef?
Little Boy 2: Yeah, Cloud’s a stupid-head!
Tifa: Oh, this is CLOUD??? Oh.... I wasn’t playing with Cloud!!
She punches him in the stomach.
Tifa: See?
Cloud doubles over in pain and starts to cry, limping over to his house crying out.
Cloud: I want my mommy! I want my mommy!!
Little Boy 3: Cloud’s such a baby!
Tifa: Yeah, um, hey! Anyone wanna go over an’ see the well? I heard that if you throw rocks in it, it makes a cool sound!
Little Boy 2: Sure!
Little Boy 3: Yeah, great idea, Teef!
Little Boy 1: Let’s go!
Meanwhile.....
Cloud is about to open his door, when he sees a little girl..... green eyes....long, braided hair....Pink dress....
Cloud: Who’re you?
Little girl: I...I don’t know.
Cloud: Where’s your mommy?
Little girl: I...I...I don’t know.
Cloud: What’s your name?
The little girl breaks into tears.
Cloud: That’s ok, hey, look!
He puts his hands on the sides of his face, and pulls the skin back, all while sticking his tongue out, and going cross-eyed.
Little girl: (giggling) You’re funny!
Cloud: Hey, my name’s Cloud, and I think I’ll call you..... Stupid-face!!!
He starts laughing.
Little girl: That’s NOT funny!
She grabs the stick from him that he was holding, and raps him on the head with it.
Cloud: (still giggling a bit) Sorry...I think I will call you Tirea from now on, that’s a nice name.
Tirea: Okay, Cloud.
Back at the well.....
Little Boy 2: This was such a great idea, Tifa!
Tifa: I know.
The four kids are throwing small pebbles into the well, and listening to them go “kerplunk”.
Tifa peers down into the well.
Tifa: I wonder what’s down there, its not filled with water anymore.
She peers in a little further....then a little further.....and....
(You thought she was going to fall, didn’t you? Mua ha ha ha!!!)
She sits on the edge of the well.
Just then, she sneezes and falls backwards into the well.
(Hey this is MY story, I can do whatever I want with it!)
All little boys: Tifa!!!!
She screams as she goes down, and hits the bottom of the well with a large THUD.
Little Boy 3: Tifa? Are you alright?
No response.
Little Boy 2 looks down into the black well.
Little Boy 2: TIFA??? Tifa??? Tifa??? Tifa??? Tifa??? Tifa???
No response.
Little Boy 1: Uh oh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tirea: La la la la la.
Cloud: So...what do you want to do?
Tirea: I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?
Cloud:.......Did you fart?!?
Tirea: No!
They laugh together.
Cloud: Then what’s that smell?
Tirea: It’s coming from over there.
She points to Tifa’s house.
Cloud: Well, let’s find out.....Race ya!
Tirea: Ok....GO!
They both race towards Tifa’s house and then sit on her door step, exhausted.
Tifa’s dad opens the door, his eyes wet, and his face red.
Tifa’s Dad: What do YOU want?
Cloud: Nothin, it’s just that your house sme---
He’s interrupted by the phone ringing.
Tifa’s Dad: Hold on ya little...
Tifa’s Dad: Hello?
Tifa’s Dad: She WHAT?!?
Tifa’s Dad: I’ll be there right away.
Tifa’s Dad rushes outside.
Tirea: Wanna see inside?
Cloud: Yeah!
They go upstairs, after getting a cookie from the kitchen, and proceed to Tifa’s room.
Upon entry, Cloud sees the piano, and immediately rushes over to it, while Tirea watches by the dresser.
Cloud: (pressing piano keys) Mi...Meeee..mi!!!!!! Tirea opens a drawer.
Tirea: Hey Cloud! Look what I found!!!
She holds up a pair of undies, with pink lacing, and yellow bunnies running across it.
Cloud starts laughing his brains out, then stuffs them into his pocket.
Cloud: Payback’s a B$@!%!!!
(Okay, he didn’t really say that.)
Tirea looks out the window.
Tirea: Cloud, they’re coming back!!
Shoving the rest of his cookie in his mouth, Cloud runs outside across the street, followed be Tirea.
Tirea: That was a close one!
Cloud: Yeah, but Tirea, I should go home now, My mommy might bet mad.
Tirea: Okay Cloud, see you later!
Cloud: Bye!
Tirea: Bye!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tifa was unconscious for 2 days.
When she finally woke up, she looked out the window to see Cloud, prancing around with her favorite pair of undies on over his head.She could faintly hear him say.
Cloud: Look at me! I’m Tifa! I wear lacy undies! I’m so stupid! And my house smells!
Enraged, she got up to walk to the stairs, but collapsed.
Her Dad came running up the stairs.
Tifa’s Dad: Tifa!!! Your alright! I’m so glad, I love you so much! I knew you could make it (and other loving, mushy things).
He picked her up and brought her down stairs, and sat her down at the table, holding her hand.
Tifa: Where’s Mommy?
She looks around frantically.
Tifa: Mommy? Mommy are you there?
Tifa’s Dad: Tifa, Mommy is, well, Mommy is gone. (breaks into tears) She’s gone, Tifa, she’s gone...
Tifa: NO!!! I want my mommy! I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
She huddles in the corner, balling.
Tifa’s Dad: Tifa, hunny, Cloud’s at the door...and he’s uh...he’s wearing your underwear, on his head.
No response.
Cloud: I wonder if Tifa’s alright?
Tirea: I don’t know.
Cloud’s “tummy” grumbles.
Tirea: You hungry?
Cloud: Yeah, let’s go to my house and get something to eat.
They walk into Cloud’s house and sit down at the table.
Cloud: Mom, I’m hungry.
Cloud’s Mom: Okay, I’ll make you some Mac & Cheese then.
She pops some “Easy Mac” into the microwave, and in a few minutes, she sets out a bowl of Macaroni out in front of Cloud.
Cloud: What about Tirea?
Cloud’s Mom: Who’s Tirea?
Cloud: She’s sitting right next to me Mom, Duh!
Cloud’s Mom: Um...Cloud? I don’t see anyone.

By: Aeris/April